I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
