If that was your dad, he is hot
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
