what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
