Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
