Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
