the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
