I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
