my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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