Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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