If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
