With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
