I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
