What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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