I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
