Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked