im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.