she told me i tasted like america
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
