Just cropdusted the office
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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