How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
