god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
