I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
