Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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