Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I will die if light touches me.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
