if you like me you must not know who I am
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
