so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
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Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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