she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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