the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
