shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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