Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Randomize
