If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
