I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
