what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
