he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
