You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
