JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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