I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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