I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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