Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
My liver just had a heart attack.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
