im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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