He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
