I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
