I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
