I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
how does that bad decision feel?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
