Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
