there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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