Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
