found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
