I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
