yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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