he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
