dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
