so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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