I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
