therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
