Your face is a jimmy john
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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