I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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