Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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