oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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