tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
