is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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