That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
