i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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