Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
