Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
