u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
