we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
