cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
