I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
These tits shall not be calmed
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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