I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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