I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
