we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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