Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Randomize
