please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
