i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
