pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
