So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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