So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
