My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
